I can’t shake these doubts. I see you standing there, facing the setting sun, the wind tousling your hair, fluttering your jacket, caressing your face. Things that I cannot do any more. What we had has been lost. I failed you in a critical moment, and then I was physically gone, unable to reach you even to simply greet you. You gave up on me in that moment, and I will never have you back.
I don’t know if I want you back.
Do you think everything we were and everything we weren’t was a lie? Is that all I am to you now? A girl that could never treat you right, that doesn’t even know how to sit and listen to you when you’ve had a bad day, who can’t be there for you when you need nothing more than a voice to talk to, a body to hug?
Guilt tripping has never been a tactic I’ve favored. It’s hitting them when they’re down, and I would shoot myself before I let myself sink that low.
But I’m begging you to come back, to just be a soul that I can look at on occasion, a friend that I can trust. You used to be so much more to me, but I hardly dare ask even this small favor. You, who would listen to my troubles, offer advice when possible, and hugs all the time, who could soothe me without effort, who called me your “precious cargo”, your precious charge.
Don’t feel obliged to come back to this state. That is not what I would wish. Instead I would ask you to simply be someone that I can ask their opinion of a line from my essay. Someone that I wouldn’t mind asking for a piece of gum. Someone that I know mutually respects me.
You’re not that man anymore.
Whatever you’ve become, it worries and bothers me. I have a hard time letting go.
